Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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