my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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