go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
