is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
