oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
