Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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