Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
