I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
