so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
