i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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