We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
