The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
