I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
