My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
