Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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