There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
