paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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