So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
