Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
