I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
