I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
