I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
