I want to have your abortion
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
