Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
