Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
