we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
