My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
