remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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