Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
