i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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