Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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