You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
