Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
