Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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