she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
