I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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