You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
