just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
