If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
