sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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