yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
