I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
