Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
