remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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