She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
