Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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