Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
