she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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