Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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