then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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