hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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