do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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