I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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