I need to stop coming to work sober
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
