i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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