i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
