why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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